5 Mistakes We Make When We’re Overwhelmed (2024)

Summary.

When we’re overwhelmed during busy and challenging times, the way we react can actually make things worse. By being aware of the five common patterns overwhelmed people tend to fall into, you can make things easier on yourself and those around you. First, stop waiting for the opportune moment and actually take the time to do the things you know will help you. Second, make use of your unconscious mind. Third, replace your self-criticism with compassionate self-talk. Fourth, consider your values and make sure they’re the right fit for the situation. Finally, don’t miss opportunities to fill your emotional cup.

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When you feel overwhelmed, you may react in ways that not only don’t help the situation, but that even make it worse. Maybe you’re oblivious to these patterns, or you know what they are but struggle to do anything about them.

The following are five common self-sabotaging mistakes overwhelmed people tend to make. There are practical solutions for each that will help you feel like you’re on top of things and do a better job of navigating your most important tasks and solving problems.

1. You think you don’t have time for actions that would help you.

People often have great ideas about things that would help them feel better and more in control — for example, hiring someone to help around the house, practicing self-care, seeing a therapist, taking a vacation, or organizing a game night with friends. However, they dismiss them because they think they’re too busy or that it’s not the right time, waiting to take those actions until a more ideal moment that typically never arrives.

Instead of thinking about what would be ideal, choose the best option that’s easily available to you now. Perhaps you don’t have time to research the best therapists by interviewing multiple candidates, but you do have time to pick someone who meets a few of your criteria and try a couple of sessions with them.

When you have good ideas but don’t act on them, it can lead to a sense of powerlessness or incompetence. You may also have endless open loops of “shoulds” and waste time and energy thinking the same thoughts over and over again. Plus, when you don’t act, you miss out on the benefits you’d accrue from trying your ideas. By acting to help yourself, you’ll get practice finding doable solutions, feel more self-efficacy, and reap those benefits sooner.

2. You don’t utilize your unconscious mind enough.

Focus isn’t the only way to get things done. Your unconscious mind is great at problem-solving, too.

When I go for a walk, my mind wanders. I don’t aim to walk mindfully; rather, I let my mind drift without directing it too much. When I do this, it invariably meanders to work, but not in an unpleasant way. Solutions to problems magically emerge, and what I should prioritize becomes clearer without effort.

Even knowing this, it’s hard to allow myself to take a walk early in the workday (before temperatures where I live get too hot). What’s fascinating is that when I walk before work, my anxiety about the work I need to start once I get home creeps up. However, this doesn’t get in the way of me having insights into my problems and priorities. Both can occur together.

Your unconscious, wandering mind is as valuable a tool for solving problems and creative thinking as your focused mind. Utilizing your wandering mind will help you get important things done, without so much pressure to be focused and undistracted all the time, which can be an unreasonable expectation.

People who are feeling overwhelmed sometimes try to block out work thoughts during their personal time by listening to music, a podcast, or other entertainment. But that can rob you of some of the productivity potential of your drifting mind. Try identifying the activities during which your mind naturally drifts in helpful ways and solves problems for you. For me, these include running errands (driving), exercising, taking showers, and lounging in the sun.

3. You interpret feeling overwhelmed as a weakness.

Lots of times, we feel overwhelmed simply because we need to do a task we’re not very familiar with, or because a task is high stakes and we want to do a superb job of it. By itself, this isn’t necessarily a problem. We can often work through the task despite those overwhelmed feelings.

However, sometimes we get self-critical about the very fact that we feel overwhelmed. We think: “I shouldn’t feel overwhelmed by this. It’s not that hard. I should be able to handle it without it stressing out.” When you’re self-critical, you become more likely to procrastinate, because not only does the task trigger feelings of overwhelm, it also triggers shame or anxiety about having those feelings.

Some people react to this shame and anxiety in other ways. They might approach the task with extra perfectionism, or they might become more reluctant to ask for tips and advice from others. It’s important to replace your self-criticism with compassionate self-talk, which I’ve provided specific strategies for previously.

4. You default to your dominant approaches and defenses.

When we get stressed out, we tend to get a bit more rigid. Because we have less cognitive and emotional bandwidth to consider other options, we become less flexible about adapting to the demands of the situation and default to our dominant ways of handling things.

We all have values, but we don’t always use them to our advantage. For example, thoughtfulness can turn into overthinking, self-reliance can morph into micromanaging or doing everything yourself, having high standards can lead to being picky or perfectionistic, and resourcefulness can steer you toward doing things in unnecessarily complicated or unconventional ways.

When you’re overwhelmed, make sure you’re matching your values to the demands of the situation. Does the particular task or problem need _____? (Insert your dominant value, such as thoughtfulness or self-reliance.) Or would a different approach be better suited to the circ*mstances?

5. You withdraw from your supports.

If you feel overwhelmed, you’ve probably got limited emotional energy. This can lead to important changes in your behavior and emotional availability. They can be subtle — maybe you usually give your child a long hug when they come to you, but instead, you now give them a quick perfunctory squeeze while still thinking about other things, then get back to whatever you were doing.

This is self-sabotaging. You’re missing opportunities to fill up your emotional cup when you need it most, and you risk your loved ones noticing the differences and acting out to get your attention (for example, a child drawing on a wall, or a spouse picking an argument about something unimportant).

Identify ways you still enjoy connecting with your supports even when you’ve got limited emotional energy. For example, I like to draw alongside my five-year-old during my breaks, or construct something out of blocks and shapes with her. We also like to cuddle in bed while watching our own individual screens. If you struggle to get around to these activities, create routines for them so they fit into your day or week in specific places — for example, maybe you always bake with your child on Saturday mornings.

By being aware of the five patterns outlined here, you can make getting through busy and challenging times easier on yourself and those around you. They’re understandable patterns to fall into — and not a reason for you to be self-critical. Know what the traps are and make easy, small changes to overcome them.

5 Mistakes We Make When We’re Overwhelmed (2024)

FAQs

What are the problems with overwhelm? ›

The cognitive impact of feeling perpetually overwhelmed can range from mental slowness, forgetfulness, confusion, difficulty concentrating or thinking logically, to a racing mind or an impaired ability to problem solve.

How do people act when they are overwhelmed? ›

Often, overwhelm is as uncomfortable as it is uncontrollable. It rears its head as anxiety, anger, or significant irritability and worry. Doubt and helplessness also make their way into a person's normal thought process. Physically, it can manifest when a person lashes out verbally, cries, or has a panic attack.

What does ADHD overwhelm feel like? ›

People with ADHD tend to experience life more intensely than others. This means that even if you're hyper-focusing on a certain task or assignment in front of you, you can still have many other thoughts and ideas coursing through your brain. It can feel like there's always a lot going on, which may become overwhelming.

What are some things that make you feel overwhelmed? ›

This experience often stems from feeling like things are out of your control — like life's happening to you and you're not an active agent. You have too many emails, social events, or obligations, and the mountain of things feels impossible to tackle. Feeling overwhelmed also often causes procrastination.

What God says about feeling overwhelmed? ›

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (NIV) – Philippians 4:6-7.

What is at the root of feeling overwhelmed? ›

Emotional overwhelm may be caused by stress, traumatic life experiences, relationship issues, and much more. If you feel emotionally overwhelmed for an extended period of time, you may benefit from seeing a mental health professional.

What are 5 emotional signs of stress? ›

Mental or behavioral symptoms include:
  • Being more emotional than usual.
  • Feeling overwhelmed or on edge.
  • Trouble keeping track of things or remembering.
  • Trouble making decisions, solving problems, concentrating, getting your work done.
  • Using alcohol or drugs to relieve your emotional stress.
Dec 29, 2020

What not to say when someone is overwhelmed? ›

13 Things You Should NEVER Say to Someone Suffering with Anxiety
  • You mean well, and that's obvious. ...
  • “Don't worry” ...
  • “Get over it” ...
  • “You're going to make yourself sick” ...
  • “Just relax” ...
  • “Maybe you should stop thinking so much” ...
  • “Maybe you just need a drink” ...
  • “Stop stressing”
Sep 26, 2020

When I get overwhelmed I shut down? ›

Our brain shuts down as a protective response to keep us safe when our nervous system is overloaded,” he says. Initially, emotionally numbing is helpful, because it helps calm our overwhelmed minds. Over time, it can be harmful and lead to behaviors with serious consequences to our emotional and physical well-being.

What does an ADHD shutdown look like? ›

Differences in emotions in people with ADHD can lead to 'shutdowns', where someone is so overwhelmed with emotions that they space out, may find it hard to speak or move and may struggle to articulate what they are feeling until they can process their emotions.

What is an ADHD meltdown? ›

ADHD meltdowns are sudden outbursts of frustration and anger that seem to come out of nowhere. If your child is struggling to control their emotions, there are ways to help them. For children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), impulsivity can present in many ways.

What is an ADHD meltdown in adults? ›

Meltdowns, especially for people with ADHD, can be in the form of impulsive and explosive ADHD-related behaviors. They can happen when a person has too much pressure, stress, anger, anxiety or other strong emotions. During meltdown mode, a person may feel out of control and be unable to stop and think straight.

What do you say to someone who is overwhelmed? ›

8 Things to Say to Someone When They're Stressed
  • “You're not alone.”
  • “I'm your #1 fan!”
  • “It's ok to take a break.”
  • “How can I help?”
  • “Your feelings are valid.”
  • “You've done it before! You can do it again.”
  • “Focus on one thing at a time.”
  • “I'm here if you want to talk.”
Jun 11, 2020

What does overwhelmed look like? ›

You can't stay focused on tasks, and you're missing out on your favorite fun activities. Lowered concentration and increased apathy might be a result of stress-related sleep issues or intrusive thoughts.

What is the symptoms of stress for females? ›

Common symptoms of stress in women include: Physical. Headaches, difficulty sleeping, tiredness, pain (most commonly in the back and neck), overeating/under eating, skin problems, drug and alcohol misuse, lack of energy, upset stomach, less interest in sex/other things you used to enjoy.

What does Psalms 27 say? ›

Psalm 27 Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid? When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

What is Psalm 94 19? ›

Psalms 94:19 in Other Translations

19 In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul. 19 When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul. 19 When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.

When my soul is overwhelmed within me? ›

Psalms 142:3-6 NKJV

When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, Then You knew my path. In the way in which I walk They have secretly set a snare for me. Look on my right hand and see, For there is no one who acknowledges me; Refuge has failed me; No one cares for my soul.

Is overwhelm a form of anxiety? ›

Feeling overwhelmed is one of the most common symptoms of anxiety. While anxiety is a normal emotion that we all feel in response to threat or danger, sometimes we can experience anxiety that's out of proportion to events.

What is it called when you are overwhelmed by everything? ›

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) tend to get overwhelmed or over-stimulated because they “process more information from their environment and from within than others do,” said Jean Fitzpatrick, LP, a psychotherapist who specializes in working with HSPs.

What are 3 warning signs of psychological stress? ›

These effects might include:
  • Difficulty breathing.
  • Panic attacks.
  • Blurred eyesight or sore eyes.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Fatigue.
  • Muscle aches and headaches.
  • Chest pains and high blood pressure.
  • Indigestion or heartburn.

What are 4 signs you are experiencing too much stress? ›

Some of the psychological and emotional signs that you're stressed out include:
  • Depression or anxiety.
  • Anger, irritability, or restlessness.
  • Feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated, or unfocused.
  • Trouble sleeping or sleeping too much.
  • Racing thoughts or constant worry.
  • Problems with your memory or concentration.
  • Making bad decisions.
Dec 16, 2022

How do I know if I'm having a breakdown? ›

feel isolated — disinterested in the company of family and friends, or withdrawing from usual daily activities. feel overwhelmed — unable to concentrate or make decisions. be moody — feeling low or depression; feeling burnt out; emotional outbursts of uncontrollable anger, fear, helplessness or crying.

How do you stay calm when overwhelmed? ›

Six Ways to Calm Down When Feeling Overwhelmed
  1. Take a short walk. Exercise can be a great stress reliever because it helps you blow off steam and releases endorphins even if you have just five or ten minutes. ...
  2. Breathe deeply. ...
  3. Visualize relief. ...
  4. Relax your muscles. ...
  5. Write it down. ...
  6. Drink some water.

How do you beat being overwhelmed? ›

  1. Reflect on the “why” A first important step to overcoming being overwhelmed is to figure out the root cause. ...
  2. Accept your feelings. Ignoring or denying your overwhelm likely isn't going to help. ...
  3. Practice mindfulness. ...
  4. Try breathing exercises. ...
  5. Focus on what you can control. ...
  6. Take breaks. ...
  7. Do what you enjoy. ...
  8. Receive physical touch.
Nov 16, 2021

Why can't I talk when I'm overwhelmed? ›

Selective mutism (SM) is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is otherwise capable of speech becomes unable to speak when exposed to specific situations, specific places, or to specific people, one or multiple of which serving as triggers. This is caused by the freeze response.

Why do I freeze when overwhelmed? ›

The “freeze” response occurs when our brains decide we cannot take on the threat nor are we able to escape. Often when this happens our bodies might remain still, unable to move, numb or “freeze”. We may feel as if we are not actually a part of our bodies.

What is a mental shutdown? ›

A nervous breakdown (also called a mental breakdown) is a term that describes a period of extreme mental or emotional stress. The stress is so great that the person is unable to perform normal day-to-day activities.

What is an anxiety shutdown? ›

Your mind and body are under such intense stress with panic attacks that your brain decides to simply shut everything down for a while. It's not dangerous nor does it mean anything about your mental health. It's just a coping mechanism your brain thinks it needs when faced with that level of anxiety.

What does high functioning ADHD look like? ›

High-functioning ADHD could mean: you experience severe symptoms but have developed “work arounds” to carry on with daily tasks and responsibilities. your symptoms are mild, and you're able to function with minimal impairment. symptoms are greatly impairing in some areas but you're highly functional in others.

How do you unmask ADHD? ›

5 Tips to Help You Unmask Your ADHD
  1. Identify when and why you mask your symptoms. Many ADHDers mask unknowingly. ...
  2. Explore alternatives for unhealthy masking behaviors. ...
  3. Don't be afraid to speak about your ADHD challenges. ...
  4. Understand that you don't have to journey alone. ...
  5. Seek professional treatment and support.
May 1, 2023

What are clear signs of ADHD? ›

Symptoms
  • Impulsiveness.
  • Disorganization and problems prioritizing.
  • Poor time management skills.
  • Problems focusing on a task.
  • Trouble multitasking.
  • Excessive activity or restlessness.
  • Poor planning.
  • Low frustration tolerance.
Jan 25, 2023

What is ADHD rage like? ›

Anger is not on the official list of ADHD symptoms . However, many adults with ADHD struggle with anger, especially impulsive, angry outbursts . Triggers can include frustration, impatience, and even low self-esteem. A number of prevention tips may help adults with ADHD manage anger as a symptom.

What are the 3 causes of ADHD? ›

There are three causes of ADHD symptoms: genetics, biology, and chemistry. Learning about these causes helps families understand that their daughter is not doing these behaviors intentionally. Having an adolescent with ADHD can be frustrating, heartbreaking, and entertaining—sometimes all at once.

How do people with ADHD think? ›

The mind of a person with ADHD is full of the minutiae of life (“Where are my keys?” “Where did I park the car?”), so there is little room left for new thoughts and memories. Something has to be discarded or forgotten to make room for new information. Often the information individuals with ADHD need is in their memory…

Do people with ADHD hold grudges? ›

Type Three is Over-Focused ADD. This includes the primary ADHD symptoms plus trouble shifting attention, being stuck on negative thoughts and behaviors, holding grudges, excessive worrying and being argumentative. People with over-focused ADD tend to need a strict routine.

What does an ADHD episode feel like? ›

Symptoms of ADHD can have some overlap with symptoms of bipolar disorder. With ADHD, a child or teen may have rapid or impulsive speech, physical restlessness, trouble focusing, irritability, and, sometimes, defiant or oppositional behavior.

Do people with ADHD cry easily? ›

People who have ADHD frequently experience emotions so deeply that they become overwhelmed or “flooded.” They may feel joy, anger, pain, or confusion in a given situation—and the intensity may precede impulsive behaviors they regret later.

What not to say to someone with anxiety? ›

What Not To Say to Someone With Anxiety Disorder
  • “It's All In Your Head”
  • “I Get Anxious/Feel Stress Too”
  • “Is This My Fault?”
  • “Anxiety Is Just a Trend”/”Other People Have It Worse”/”It's Not Such a Big Deal”
  • “Not This Again”
  • Stop Worrying/Calm Down.
  • Mental Health Treatment at The Wave.
May 25, 2022

What is an overwhelming personality? ›

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is a mental health condition marked by unstable emotions, a distorted self-image and an overwhelming desire to be noticed. People with HPD often behave dramatically or inappropriately to get attention.

What is the best stress reliever? ›

Reduce Stress in 10 Minutes and Improve Your Well-Being
  • Be active—Take a dance break! ...
  • Close your eyes, take deep breaths, stretch, or meditate.
  • Write three things you are grateful for.
  • Check in with yourself—take time to ask yourself how you are feeling.
  • Laugh!

What are 8 emotional signs of stress? ›

Emotional symptoms of stress include:
  • Becoming easily agitated, frustrated, and moody.
  • Feeling overwhelmed, as if you are losing control or need to take control.
  • Having a hard time relaxing and quieting your mind.
  • Feeling bad about yourself (low self-esteem), and feeling lonely, worthless, and depressed.
  • Avoiding others.
Aug 19, 2021

Is it a bad thing to be overwhelmed? ›

We all feel overwhelmed at times. But when you can't shake that feeling, it can lead to chronic stress and a host of associated physical and emotional symptoms that can affect your well-being. Experts say it's important to recognize when everyday life — work, family and health — is overwhelming you and to take action.

Is overwhelm positive or negative? ›

While overwhelm is commonly thought of as a negative emotion, it can have very positive connotations as well. Feeling overwhelmed with gratitude can happen when you are experiencing intense feelings of appreciation.

Is there a disorder for feeling overwhelmed? ›

No, feeling overwhelmed is not a mental health diagnosis. However, it can be a sign that you are struggling with a condition such as anxiety, depression, or traumatic stress.

Is overwhelmed a negative feeling? ›

The definition of overwhelmed can vary depending on who you ask, but most would agree that it is an intense feeling that can be negative or positive. It can be caused by relationship issues, daily challenges, and the impact of feeling on beliefs over time.

Why do I shut down when overwhelmed? ›

Our brain shuts down as a protective response to keep us safe when our nervous system is overloaded,” he says. Initially, emotionally numbing is helpful, because it helps calm our overwhelmed minds. Over time, it can be harmful and lead to behaviors with serious consequences to our emotional and physical well-being.

What is emotional overload? ›

Emotional overload often comes from having conflicting feelings, too many feelings happening at once, or not being able to act based on your gut feelings. We have emotions for a reason – they're there to tell us something.

Is overwhelm the same as stress? ›

First, consider whether you're stressed or actually overwhelmed. If you're stressed, you'll be able to continue to work as needed, even if it takes more effort. If you're overwhelmed — meaning you can't even begin to get the next thing done — you need to do nothing.

Is overwhelm a symptom of PTSD? ›

Why Does PTSD Make You Feel Overwhelmed? First and foremost, PTSD is an anxiety disorder, and anxiety and stress often cause feelings of being overwhelmed. It may feel like there is just too much to do, too much you haven't accomplished, or too many other people in your life who need your time and attention.

Is overwhelm part of ADHD? ›

Becoming easily overwhelmed and distracted can sometimes be hallmark symptoms of ADHD. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, people with ADHD might experience symptoms like: restlessness. difficulty focusing.

How do I stop being emotionally overwhelmed? ›

Below are some tools to help you control overwhelming emotions:
  1. Understand Your Emotions. ...
  2. Check-In With Yourself. ...
  3. Accept Yourself. ...
  4. Keep A Mood Journal. ...
  5. Give Yourself Space. ...
  6. Find An Outlet. ...
  7. Cut Down On Stress. ...
  8. Communicate Effectively.
Aug 12, 2021

How do you calm down when overwhelmed? ›

Try some of these tips when you're feeling overwhelmed:
  1. Take a deep breath and step away. If you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, a quick way to begin to alleviate those feelings is by doing breathing exercises. ...
  2. Create a “no” list. ...
  3. Be kind to yourself. ...
  4. Ask for help from a loved one. ...
  5. Write it out.
Mar 17, 2021

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